“I can do this.” When going through a transition, a change in your life or dealing with difficult situations, post “I can do this” as many places as possible: the car, the bathroom mirror, refrigerator door. Repeat hundreds of times as a silent mantra: “I can do this.”
Few of us embrace change wholeheartedly. We all can become immobilized, frozen to the spot and then actively go out of our way to avoid whatever it is that is frightening us.
We can become quite skilled at rearranging our lives to accommodate this avoidance.
The problem with avoiding is that the fear does not really go away. It actually grows in strength because we have just said to ourselves, “I can’t face this.” Turning away may feel like relief at first, but it’s like food poisoning, undetectable as it goes in, but capable of emptying us soon enough.
The feeling of anxiety that fear produces goes away only after we have shown ourselves over and over that we can move through it. As we learn to face the fear, when anxiety appears and it tells us that we must run or we will die or split apart, we refuse to be convinced of this.
We remember that anxiety is a feeling, not a prediction. We become the perfect host. We open the door and usher in the anxiety so that we might practice new skills. The simple act of greeting the feeling sets in motion a different response set.
The crucial thing to keep in mind is that the real threat to our well being is avoidance. Each time we are able to think of that first feeling of panic as worthy of our interest, we have started down a different path. This may take time and practice, but after new psychological “muscle” has developed, we will happily continue down the path of personal freedom and self-acceptance without a look back.
You can do this.
